


Black Swan

by orphan_account



Category: So Nyuh Shi Dae | Girls' Generation
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-30
Updated: 2012-12-30
Packaged: 2017-11-22 22:23:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/615011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the world of the Seoul Ballet Company, nothing is exactly what it seems. Jessica Jung is known for her calm and collected exterior, her perfection, and her exquisite beauty on the ballet stage. She remains a mystery to most of the other girls in the company, but even she can't compare with the enigma that is Kim Taeyeon, who arrives at the theatre right before their annual production of the classic ballet Swan Lake. Jessica finds herself strangely drawn to this newcomer as she struggles with the responsibility of the lead role of Odette and whether or not she can truly embrace her dark side and be the black swan. Tensions run high amidst the competition to be the only one in the spotlight and treachery, deception, and betrayal runs through the company. In the middle of all the emotional chaos, Jessica unveils a shocking discovery about choreographer Kwon Yuri and young dancer Im Yoona that forces her to confront her own true emotions and identity. All throughout this, Jessica begins to have strange dreams about and sees seemingly impossible illusions of her own darker side...her black swan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue (Jessica's Dream)

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of Darren Aronofsky's 2010 film, _Black Swan_ , although very loosely.
> 
> Also posted on [Soshified](http://soshified.com/forums/topic/76151-black-swan/)!

She could feel the comforting warmth of the spotlight on her cheeks as she danced, feeling weightless, like she was floating in the air rather than across the stage, as she turned and twirled.

It felt like happiness, like perfection. Like something she hadn’t felt in a long time.

Her feet padded across the hard floor. She could hear music too, but it sounded far off, like it was emitting from a broken, crackling radio. Every now and then the song would flicker out, warbling until it came back into earshot. But still she danced perfectly in time.

She danced the steps that she had memorized to the point that she could perform them in her sleep. Indeed, she probably was dreaming, but it was at that moment that she felt so on top of the world that it didn’t matter if it wasn’t real. She didn’t care if there were actually people watching or not, or if she’d soon wake up and find that she’d simply been dreaming. All she cared about was that currently this was her song.

I’m the swan queen, she thought, and her white wings billowed out behind her.

She saw the feathers floating around her, falling like snowflakes as she stepped amidst them, arms outstretched. She leapt and pirouetted, unsuccessfully fighting to keep a smile from breaking out across her face.

It was simply magical. She commanded everything, truly becoming Odette, feeling just as innocent and pure.

She continued dancing, far longer than she thought the song actually went on. But it didn’t matter, for she was content to remain in her own world for a long as life would let her.

But finally the song clicked off and she took her bow on the stage. Her hair fell out of her bun, draping around her face, for a moment, shielding her off from everything else.

There was no applause save but a single clap. When she looked up she could see, in the audience, the lone silhouette of a girl that looked strangely just like her. She blinked, wondering whether or not to call out. But instead the girl waved slowly, standing and then she could see that the girl was in fact her mirror image.

She shivered and her white, soft wings curled around her body. She felt her heart begin to pound in her chest as the song began again, but this time slower and off key.

The strange girl grinned, flashing teeth before the stage lights suddenly shut off.

 

Jessica woke with a start, heart still thumping in her chest.

It was barely daybreak, the sun softly creeping through her window drapes. She automatically felt a little disappointed that she had woken up this early on her day off, but there was no way Jessica was getting back to sleep.

A glance at the clock on her bedside table confirmed that it was indeed too early, 6:35 A.M. Jessica sighed.

She decided to move around a bit, doing some basic stretches on the carpet beside her bed until it was at least late enough to go into the kitchen to make breakfast without waking up her sister.

Jessica lived in a small, probably bordering on tiny, apartment with her younger sister not too far from the Seoul Ballet Company. It was also not too far from the fashion designing company where her sister worked, and every morning that they both had work they’d walk to the subway station together. Jessica liked the routine and her sister, Krystal, complained that Jessica had no imagination.

As Jessica reached out her arms to grab her feet, stretching her legs, she thought about Krystal, who was probably still curled up in bed, having come back to the apartment after a very late night out with friends the night before.

Jessica knew that jealous was probably the wrong word to use, but she couldn’t help feel a twinge of something when she thought about her younger sister’s escapades. Although Krystal even frequently invited Jessica to come along, Jessica had never really considered it. She didn’t think she was outgoing enough to withstand the antics of a bunch of barely-adult girls who always wanted to go clubbing or out to shows.

Jessica realized that she probably didn’t lead the world’s most exciting life, but she was one of the best dancers for the Seoul Ballet Company, which had to count for something. Krystal often told her she could get a lot of guys by broadcasting this fact (“Guys want to get with girls who are, you know, flexible.” Krystal had told her), but Jessica had never been that tempted to deviate from her day-to-day life routine.

Jessica worked hard, as was evident from how high up at the top of the “ballet food chain” she was, but she had never had quite the amount of ambition some of the other girls at the company had, like Sooyoung or even Seohyun. Some girls scathingly told her she was only where she was because of her pretty face, but Jessica thought that it was more because she was good at riding life out and not struggling until she drowned.

Jessica thought about her dream. She had been dancing the lead for Swan Lake, the production that Hyoyeon and Yuri were going to announce roles for the following day. The part of Odette, the princess that finds herself tragically cursed, waiting for true love to set her free.

Jessica idly wondered if there was some kind of peculiar parallelism here, if that maybe she too was cursed, living life in kind of a zombified, steady state, needing someone exciting and unusual to set her free.

She hoped not, anyway. Jessica snickered to herself. After all, Odette gets betrayed, she thought, a bit of her cynicism slipping out.

She curiously pondered over the girl who had also appeared in her dream, the dark version of herself. She immediately knew the girl represented “black swan”, but Jessica quickly glazed over the thought, deciding she didn’t want to dwell.

In all honesty, she didn’t like dwelling on her dark side.

She decided it was time for Krystal to wake up too, standing up and making her way into the kitchen. She make something nice, like toast and eggs for Krystal and a bowl of cereal for herself.

Eventually, after Jessica had spent enough time clinking around the kitchen, perhaps making a little bit more noise than necessary, Krystal emerged from her bedroom, hair sticking up and pajamas twisted around her body. The younger girl shook herself out before taking a seat on one of the stools at the counter, glaring at her sister.

Jessica smiled delicately, trying not to grin. “Morning.”

Krystal sniffed. “What’s for breakfast?”

“Toast and eggs, for you. And maybe some juice.” Jessica replied. Krystal quirked an eyebrow.

“Not for you?” She asked. Jessica shook her head.

“Got to keep this gentle figure.” She attempted to joke, but Krystal just grimaced.

“You know I don’t like it when you don’t eat.” Krystal said pointedly.

Jessica sighed. “And you know I don’t really have a choice.” She opted to change the subject. “What do you want to do today? We both have the day off.”

Krystal hesitated, but gave up in the end. Instantly, the younger girl’s face brightened as she went over some kind of elaborate shopping plan she had thought up for the two of them. As Krystal talked, Jessica cooked, stepping softly around the kitchen. Before long she was doing the footwork to some of the steps of Swan Lake.

Then Krystal coughed lightly, and Jessica looked up quickly.

“Don’t burn the food just because you always get lost in that little world of yours.” Krystal chided, but with more affection than any real meaning behind it. Jessica smiled.

“Sorry. You know, we’re going to get the parts tomorrow.” She added, scooping the eggs onto a plate for her sister.

Krystal grinned. “Really? Oh, I’m sure you’ll get the part Jess.”

“I hope so. I even dreamt about it, if that adds to the obsession.” Jessica said, and Krystal laughed.

“Yeah, you are obsessed.”

 

Later that afternoon, while Jessica and Krystal were flitting between clothing stores, Jessica got a text from Yuri.

Yuri was the only one who texted her out of any of the girls at the company, so it didn’t really come as that much of a surprise. What was surprising, though, was the content of the message.

Hey, just wanted to let you know that we’re getting a new girl tomorrow at the company. She’s really good and already knows all of the choreography, so I’m probably going to give her a part in the show.

There was another text from Yuri.

She’s really interesting. She saw a picture of you in the lobby and said, “Wow, what a pretty girl!” But anyway, you’ll meet her tomorrow. Her name’s Kim Taeyeon.

Jessica flipped her phone shut, thinking about what Yuri had said.

“Kim Taeyeon, huh…”


	2. Run Devil Run - Part 1

Jessica didn’t dream that following night. Her brain was too much of a nervous blur, filled with thoughts like _“we’re getting assigned tomorrow”_ and she spent most of the night twisted in her bed sheets, finding it difficult to fall asleep.

But sleep finally came, and so did morning (too soon), although she immediately bolted out of bed at her alarm’s clock first buzz and practically ran straight into the shower to get ready.

She tried to ignore the butterflies in her stomach and the dizziness in her head, letting the hot water run over her shoulder and back, melting the tension. She did some basic foot movements as she washed her hair, the main theme to Swan Lake ringing in her ears. She suspected the song had continuously been in the back of her mind for the last several weeks.

Krystal, still in her pajamas and her hair messily falling over her face, was waiting for Jessica at the kitchen counter with a glass of milk and some fruit. Jessica gave an appreciative smile towards her sister, sitting down at the table, but wrinkled her nose when Krystal tried to ruffle her hair.

“Hey, I can’t mess up this bun.” Jessica said as she bit into an apple. Krystal laughed, mischievously pulling a strand of Jessica’s hair out of the bun before walking sleepily back to her own room. Jessica rolled her eyes, but chuckled quietly to herself.

Once she was finished eating, Jessica glanced over herself in the mirror before walking out of the door, making sure everything about her was still in place. She fixed her light brown hair until it once again sat neatly in a bun on the top her head. Her bangs were pulled back to reveal a fresh, pale face with just the right amount of makeup to notice if it was gone, but not really if it was there. Her thin fingers quickly ran over her coat, straightening it and brushing it off. Jessica found herself fastidiously picking at every strand of herself that was out of place, before anxiously rubbing her hands together and deciding it was finally time to leave.

The subway was crowded with people traveling to work in the early morning and the only space to stand Jessica could find was at the corner of the train. She squeezed past a young woman with short blonde hair, smiling apologetically as she brushed up against her to get by. The woman returned the smile back sympathetically, inching over as much as she could to give Jessica some more room.

The subway ride to the ballet company was a bit longer than Jessica would have preferred, but not long enough that it was intolerable. On most days it was usually jammed with people and Jessica would pass the time by listening to her iPod or reading a book. She realized now, belatedly, that she had left those things at home in her haste out of the door.

The train lurched forward and Jessica tightly gripped one of the bars to keep herself from falling forward into the other people around her. She tried to ignore the clenching in her stomach, a combination of the lack of comfort of being surrounded by a lot of people and her nervousness at what the rest of the day would have in store for her. Instead, she attempted to get herself to relax by letting her thoughts drift off, letting her mind wander. She ended up with her focus mostly collected on the woman standing next to her, the one who let her by. Jessica glanced over her curiously.

The woman was shorter than Jessica, though not by too much, but enough for it to be noticeable. Her chin length blonde hair fell attractively around her fair colored face and her eyes were occupied with the phone in her hands. The clothes she wore were stylish: dark pants, a black and white striped sweater, and black combat boots, but the outfit was complimentary instead of flashy. Jessica found herself being intrigued more than a little with the woman before her, in a way that also surprised her.

Jessica stared at the woman until there were only three stops left until where she got off. She knew staring was impolite, but she didn’t think the stranger would be observant enough to notice. However, once the train began moving again after the third stop, the woman suddenly looked up, her bangs fluttering across her forehead, and straight at Jessica.

Jessica had been wondering if she could get a glimpse of the woman’s eyes. They were rich and deep, and dark, but also reflective. Jessica’s face flushed in embarrassment not only at getting caught obviously gaping, but also because she was confused as to why she felt so fascinated.

“Hey…” The woman began, but she trailed off for a moment before she looked Jessica over. Jessica continued to blush and the woman seemed to struggle with her words for a moment, mouth twisting, before she persisted. “Are you Jessica Jung?”

Jessica started, feeling her brain whirring to a stop. She managed to splutter out, “Um, yes…but how do you know that?”

The woman grinned brightly for a moment, letting out a laugh with her head thrown back that Jessica instantly thought looked ridiculous. “I’ve been introduced…well, to your poster at least.” The woman grinned, and suddenly everything clicked into place in Jessica’s mind. “I’m Kim Taeyeon.” The girl added, sticking out her hand for a handshake.

Jessica managed to catch her brain up enough with the situation to shake Taeyeon’s hand. The other woman’s skin was unexpectedly soft, but in a more secretive than pure way. Jessica felt her hand tingling and she quickly swallowed back whatever strange feelings were going through her, saying, “So you’re the new addition to the ballet company, right?”

Taeyeon nodded, grinning again. They were nearing the stop for the street the company was on now, Jessica’s stop. _Or I guess I could say our stop now_ , Jessica thought.

“Wow, I sure hope everyone there looks like you. I can tell this is already going to be a lot of fun.” Taeyeon suddenly said. Jessica quickly coughed to cover her squeak of surprise at the blonde’s comment.

Taeyeon was staring off past Jessica, lost for a moment in her own thoughts. Her thoughts of which Jessica had the suspicion she’d probably be uncomfortable hearing.

Getting over her initial beguilement with the woman, Jessica actually wondered why Yuri had brought Taeyeon into the company to begin with. A second glance at her revealed she was on the shorter side of a how tall ballerinas normally were, and she didn’t exactly look like she fell into the “grace and poise” category either. Jessica became convinced of the latter when Taeyeon actually tripped and stumbled out of the subway car, once again letting out that loud laugh of hers, not at all looking embarrassed like Jessica knew that she herself would’ve been.

But, as they walked out of the subway station, Jessica noticed that Taeyeon walked with collection and confidence. While Jessica kept to herself in practically every way, bundled behind a thick scarf that blocked most of her face and shielded with her long, dark overcoat, Taeyeon seemed to walk with an openness, and a casual, easy smile always on her face that Jessica wondered was permanent. She was really beautiful as well, Jessica thought to herself with a slight flush, remembering Taeyeon’s comment to her own picture that was hanging in the lobby of the company, along with the rest of the dancers.

 _Maybe she’ll surprise me_ , Jessica mused.

The two women finally reached the company. All of a sudden, the nervousness lurched back into Jessica’s stomach, clenching her senses. Taeyeon had been a nice diversion, managing to make her completely forget about the day’s upcoming events.

“Hey, you alright?”

Jessica looked up, realizing that she had stopped outside of the door, lost in her sudden compulsion of anxiety. Concern flashed briefly over Taeyeon’s face and she opened her mouth to speak again, but Jessica quickly regained herself, walking briskly past Taeyeon and inside the large, glass doors.

“You know that we’re getting the parts for Swan Lake today, right?” Jessica asked. Her tone had become clipped, falling in line with the clicking of her shoes on the cold marble floor of the lobby. Taeyeon walked quicker to keep up, saying, “Yeah, I know. I’m not actually getting a part though, so it doesn’t really matter to me either way.”

Jessica looked at the blonde woman strangely. “But Yuri said she was going to give you a part.”

A sly look passed over Taeyeon’s face, and she said a bit quietly, “What else did Yuri say about me?”

But before Jessica could reply, Taeyeon’s face shifted back to what Jessica now considered her normal, goofy expression. “No, she made me an alternate.” Taeyeon said, shrugging. “Good enough for me right now. I’ll have other things on my mind anyway.”

As they walked down the hallway to the dance studios, Taeyeon’s arm brushed against Jessica’s, pressing curiously, almost tentatively. Jessica’s eyebrows shot up, and she turned to look at Taeyeon with a confused look.

Taeyeon grinned, glancing over Jessica again in a way that Jessica no longer considered innocent.

“Tae-“

“JESSICA!”

A tall, thin girl with long, dark brown hair bounded down the hallway, essentially crushing Jessica into a hug. Taeyeon was obscured from Jessica's field of vision, as her face was now forcibly being buried into the new girl’s shoulder.

“Yoona-“ Jessica began, muffled. The younger girl, Im Yoona, pulled away, grinning brightly.

Jessica shook her head, once again attempting to pull herself together. “Why are you so excited to see me?” Jessica slowly asked, noticing that some of the other dancers were pouring out of one of the practice rooms to peer over at the three of them.

“Why’s everyone staring at Jessica?” Taeyeon asked bluntly, and Jessica shot her an annoyed glance.

“Well, you got the part.” Yoona finally said.

Jessica’s heart froze in her chest. She stiffened, and she felt Yoona, confused, move away from her.

She took a deep breath and for a moment everything slowed down. Jessica savored what Yoona had just said, holding the feeling like she was going to explode, of what she wasn’t sure, in her chest.

“I what?” She finally asked. Yoona grinned, once again all bright, pearly white teeth.

“You’re Odette.” Yoona clarified, then giggled, adding, “Or, should I say, you’re the _Swan Queen_.”

Jessica now understood why the other dancers down the hall were staring at her, some with open curiosity, appraisal, or even proudness. But there were also those who were looking at her with quite a bit less than that, more along the lines of annoyance, and even disgust.

“Congrats, Jess.” Taeyeon quipped, and it was the use of her nickname that shook Jessica out of stoniness. She threw another irritated glance at Taeyeon, and Taeyeon rolled her eyes.

Taeyeon finally left, claiming that she had to go meet with one of the other choreographers, Kim Hyoyeon, to smooth out pieces of the ballet routine for Swan Lake. Yoona was still beaming at Jessica, and Jessica wondered what she had ever done to warrant Yoona’s maternal sentiments.

She followed Yoona into Yuri’s office. Kwon Yuri was the lead choreographer for the Seoul Ballet Company, assigning most of the roles for the company’s productions as well. Jessica would admit that Yuri was a close friend of hers. They had a history together, in many different ways, and perhaps she was closest to Yuri after her own sister. Yuri had stood up for her and protected her when a lot of the other dancers had grudgingly struck out at Jessica, who naturally surpassed them in terms of ability and often beauty and grace. Jessica knew how to deal with bullies, she had dealt with them for most of her life, but when Yuri was around, the snide comments seemed to subside. However, Jessica knew the rumors that went around about her and Yuri, but they didn’t bother her two much. It didn’t matter, because she and Yuri knew which rumors were true and which ones weren’t, and Jessica didn’t really care enough to correct the others.

But Jessica wasn’t as naïve as she used to be anymore, not like some of the younger dancers like Yoona or Seo Juhyun. In the past, what had seemed like simply Yuri looking out for Jessica’s best interests, manipulating the other choreographers into putting Jessica in the limelight, now felt more uncomfortable. Jessica knew that Yuri held a lot of power in the company, and wasn’t afraid to abuse it. The rumors that circulated weren’t only about Jessica.

Which is why Jessica shifted uncomfortably as Yoona walked ahead of her to step behind Yuri’s desk, sitting neatly in front of her of the older, dark haired woman. Yuri looked up, an amused glint in her eye, and Yoona leaned down, her long hair falling out from behind her ear to shield their faces, like a curtain, blocking Jessica out. Jessica unconsciously lightly tapped her foot on the ground, another embarrassed flush creeping over her cheeks. She was beginning to worry if these feelings of awkwardness were going to become an annoying new habit.

The two pulled away from each other, both with smiles, and Jessica didn’t miss how Yuri’s hand trailed across Yoona’s thigh. Jessica coughed, pointedly, and Yuri finally laughed, in a way that wasn’t unlike Taeyeon’s carefree, raucous giggle.

“Thanks, Yoona. I’ll keep what you said in mind and we’ll talk later.” Yuri smiled, and Yoona swiftly hopped off the desk, bounding out of the office.

Yuri straightened her paperwork on her desk, looking up at Jessica with her dark eyes. It was easy for Jessica to forget she was actually the older one here sometimes, as Yuri really gave off that commanding impression. Jessica sat in one of the red plush chairs in front of the desk, crossing her legs.

Jessica normally didn’t give in to her impulses, but it was harder around Yuri. She couldn’t keep back the comment that slipped out of her mouth, unsure herself as to what kind of feeling there was behind it. “You two look very happy together.”

Yuri smiled softly. “Why, are you jealous?” Jessica shrugged, before idly saying, “No, not particularly.” Yuri snorted.

Jessica jiggled her foot nervously. “I suppose it’s you who I have to thank, again? You know, it’d be nice if I could prove that I could get my own parts.” She said, her eyebrows knitting together.

Yuri considered her with a slight amused twitch of her mouth, before replying, “Actually, I didn’t have anything to do with it this time. The majority of the other choreographers voted you in. Other than the alternates, I barely casted this one.”

 _Alternates..._ , Jessica thought. “So who is Taeyeon alternating for?” She asked. Yuri raised her eyebrows.

“You’ve met her already, huh? That was sure fast.” When Jessica didn’t reply but merely waited for Yuri’s answer, Yuri added, “Well...she’s alternating for you.”

It was Jessica’s turn to raise her eyebrows. “I have an alternate?”

“…Everyone has alternates, Jessica, you know that.”

Jessica tongue searched for the correct words. “Yes, but…you know me.”

“Yes, I know you work yourself until you’re practically dead when you feel the need to, but are the laziest person in the world with certain things. I know you have a general disregard for your own well-being and that you can get a bit scary when overworked sometimes.” Yuri hesitated before continuing. “And I’m worried you’re going to have difficulty with the black swan part of the dance.”

An impressive silence managed to settle on the office. Yuri looked a bit uncomfortable now, even apologetic. Jessica simply stared at her.

“So…you’ll think I’ll have issue with presenting the darker aspect of my performance, so you assigned me an alternate in case I don’t do well enough.” The older woman said slowly.

Yuri backtracked. “No, I assigned Taeyeon as your alternate because I think you can learn a few things from her. You know, how to lighten up, for example.” Yuri moved out from behind the desk to stand in front of Jessica, crouching down until they were at eye level, faces relatively close. Jessica was suddenly swept into the realization that she hadn’t been this close to Yuri in a long time, close enough that she could feel the other woman’s breath on her lips.

Perhaps Yuri noticed this too, because her eyes briefly flickered to Jessica’s lips. Scenes from years previous flashed through Jessica’s brain, ones of late nights in this very office that would put some of those rumors to shame.

Yuri leaned closer, hesitating again, before saying quietly, “Just trust me on this one, alright? It’s not like I’ve lost faith in you.”

Jessica laughed softly, breath whispering out over Yuri’s cheeks. Yuri actually shivered and Jessica felt a manic twist of almost-glee at the feeling that for once, Yuri wasn’t the one doing the manipulating.

But in the end, Jessica leaned back, composing herself and saying, “You know I’m going to have to prove you wrong. I _will_ be Black Swan.”

“I know.” Yuri sighed. “I know.”


	3. Run Devil Run - Part 2

Jessica was allowed to practice for the rest of the day by herself in one of the smaller studios. She relished in this, after feeling one too many unhappy, jealous glares from some of the other dancers on her way out of Yuri’s office. They glanced at her none too kindly, some with their hands cupped over their mouths, hiding smirks and frowns.

Jessica realized she was probably going to need to prepare herself for another wave of vicious rumors, at the very least. But, in the end, it wouldn’t do her any good to dwell over offending the other dancers. It happened all the time in the ballet world, the competiveness getting to people. Jessica wouldn’t allow competition to be what drove her, but rather her own will for perfection. Competition within herself.

As she walked down one of the company’s long, empty hallways to the practice room, she thought for a second she heard light whispers and then a tinkling laugh come from a nearby room. She paused in her stride, turning to duck back and see who was there.

No one was there. Jessica even waited for a few seconds, expecting someone to embarrassingly pop out from behind a table or something, but no one did. She frowned, pinching the bridge of her nose, thinking, _Now is definitely not the time to lose it._

The studio was too warm, so Jessica turned down the thermostat. It was more difficult for her to concentrate when she was comfortable; colder air meant she was more alert and had to push herself harder in order to stay warm.

She took a few seconds to text Krystal the news, then shut her phone off. She'd talk to her sister about everything when she went home.

For a moment, Jessica felt like she was going to cry. She had wanted this part so badly, but now that she had it, the expectation and pressure had swiftly and suddenly settled on her shoulders, like bricks.

Jessica ran through the entire ballet from start to finish. She didn’t need music; the songs rang through her head loud enough as it was. She moved precisely and quickly, not making any mistakes, but it still took her longer than she wanted. By the end, her face was flushed and she was covered in sweat, hands shaking.

Jessica took two gulps of water from the bottle in her bag. Her hands were still shaking and she could feel the nervousness building up in the pit of her stomach. It twisted and clenched until it finally settled in her chest, making her heart pound wildly against her ribcage.

She sat on the ground, leaning against the practice mirror, staring up at the ceiling with her mouth slightly parted. She couldn’t possibly pinpoint how she was feeling at the moment. Was it overwhelmed…anxious…excited?

When Jessica closed her eyes, pulling her knees to her chest, dropping her head, and curling into herself, it felt like a thousand eyes were on her. She felt immobilized, like if she took one false step, something around her would crack and shatter, and then everything would come crashing down. Her entire being was curled into a tight coil, and for the life of her she couldn't stop her hands from shaking.

She breathed deeply, shuddering and clenching her eyes even tighter.

Jessica sat there for several minutes. Then she heard soft footsteps padding down the hallway towards her. They stopped in front of the doorway to the studio, and finally a voice said, “…are you okay?”

Of course it was Taeyeon. Jessica shuddered again, pulling herself out of the ball and lifting her head up to face the other girl.

Taeyeon stared at her, and Jessica noticed that there was more curiosity than concern in her eyes. She felt something different twist in her stomach and a hot lick of anger ran through her. “I’m fine.” She said shortly, and was annoyed that her voice sounded hoarse, vulnerable. She coughed, repeating, “I’m fine.” Jessica was used to anxiety attacks, however, she hated it when other people saw her when she was anything but calm and collected.

Before Taeyeon could even raise and eyebrow, Jessica was on her feet, walking towards the doorway and clenching her bag in her hands. “Has Yuri posted up the schedule yet?” She asked, not looking at the smaller girl behind her.

“Yes.” Said Taeyeon’s voice softly. “The rest of us start practice this afternoon, but the leads don’t have to come in until tomorrow morning.”

“Good.” Jessica said shortly, and walked out of the door, leaving Taeyeon behind.

 

It wasn’t until Jessica had reached the apartment, wondering where her sister was, that she remembered that she had turned off her phone. Turning it back on, she saw she had missed a text from Krystal that explained she was out with friends, along with a few texts that were in all caps with several exclamation points. Jessica sighed, feeling a little stupid and texted back for her to have fun. She was glad her sister was happy for her, but also felt a twinge of disappointment that she couldn't be with her at that moment.

She sat on the couch, unsure of what to do with herself. It was only a little after two in the afternoon so she could practically do anything, but it had been a really long time since Jessica had had some time off.

She could hear Krystal’s voice in her head, telling her to do something different, perhaps even reckless, in celebration of getting the lead part. Jessica twisted her fingers around each other, feeling uncomfortable but also suddenly a bit exhilarated.

She wouldn’t do anything _reckless_ , but it would be nice to at least go out for a bit. Jessica remembered a small coffee shop close to the apartment and decided to grab a book and relax there.

Jessica even allowed herself to spend a few minutes agonizing over what to wear. In the end she chose a pair of skinny jeans and a soft, large sweater, topping it off with her wool overcoat and short black boots.

The outside air was brisk; winter was settling into Seoul, but the walk to the coffee shop was not that far. With each step, Jessica felt her anxiety dying down and her anticipation for being able to spend a few hours by herself growing.

Unfortunately, when she finally reached the café and stepped inside, the first thing Jessica noticed was that it was very full. She wasn’t the only one with the idea for a nice afternoon spent with a cup of hot coffee and a book, apparently. Jessica grimaced, about to step back outside and search for someplace else, when she saw that there was actually one spot left, across from a young woman who was staring out of the window.

Jessica took a deep breath. She didn’t really feel like wandering around, hoping to find another place to sit, so instead she decided to brave asking to sit with this stranger.

She hovered beside the woman’s seat, trying to collect what she wanted to say, when the woman suddenly turned, glancing up. She made an ‘O’ with her mouth, before saying quickly, “Oh, do you want to sit here?”

“Uh,” Jessica stuttered. “Would you mind sharing? I think this might be the last seat left in this place.”

The stranger smiled brightly, a smile that reached her eyes. “Of course not!” She said sunnily. “I’m sorry, I was just spacing out. I haven’t even gotten coffee yet.”

Jessica sat down, saying, “I haven’t yet either.”

“Here, I’ll get us both some.” The other woman said. “What do you want?”

Jessica felt herself surprised by the stranger’s kindness. “Um, I’m really not particular. Whatever you’re having is fine.” Jessica handed the other girl a few bills and with another wide smile, the woman left to stand in line.

Jessica phone buzzed in her coat pocket as she slid out of it, draping it on the back of her chair. She flipped it open to find a text from Krystal.

_You better be doing something fun with yourself now, if I go home and you're practicing or something I'm going to be upset!!_

Jessica smiled to herself and replied, clicking her phone shut and setting it on the table.

The dancer twisted in her seat to glance back at the cashier line to get another look at the woman she was sharing the table with. She was closer to the front now, about ready to make their orders. She was about Jessica’s height and just as thin, with long, honey-colored hair that fell along her shoulder in soft waves. Once she had ordered and collected their drinks, having turned back to face Jessica, Jessica could see that her face was oval shaped, with soft brown eyes and a warm, friendly smile.

She was still smiling when she reached the table. Jessica laughed silently to herself, and the girl looked at her curiously.

Jessica took her drink gratefully, saying thank you before sticking her hand out and introducing herself. “I’m Jessica Jung, by the way.”

The woman shook her hand. It was warm, just like everything else about her. “Tiffany Hwang.” She replied.

Jessica sipped her coffee. They sat in silence for a moment, then Jessica said, “Tiffany…that’s an English name.”

Tiffany laughed. “As is Jessica! I’m Korean-American, are you?”

“Yes!” Jessica said in English. They both laughed now.

“My English sounds a bit weird now, I’ll have to admit.” Tiffany said, leaning back in her chair. “But it’s nice to finally be able to speak with someone in my native language.”

Jessica genuinely smiled. It was nice for her too. She only spoke English with Krystal and her parents.

And then Jessica found herself really enjoying the company of a complete stranger, opening up in a way that she had forgotten she could. They talked for the next couple of hours, about their families, when they had moved to Seoul, their jobs, and similar things.

Tiffany was a bit of a jack-of-all-trades and worked at a small fashion house three days out of the week, free-lanced as a designer for the rest of the time, and even worked at a club during nights on the weekend.

About the club, Tiffany said, “It’s not my favorite, I mean it’s a bit loud and can get chaotic sometimes, but it’s not that bad in the end. It’s called Nocturne.”

“Tell me more about your fashion house.” Jessica replied.

Tiffany entertained with stories of the strangest designs she’d ever seen, catwalk mishaps, but also a lot of the big-name designers that she had met. Jessica was entranced. She loved fashion, and it had always enticed her, but she had been a ballerina for as long as she could remember.

“Now you tell me more about the company.” Tiffany said, smiling yet again. Jessica felt a little lighter every time Tiffany smiled. “I can’t believe you work for the Seoul Ballet Company, that’s so prestigious.” The younger woman continued.

“It’s intense.” Jessica admitted after a moment of collecting her thoughts. “But it’s all I’ve ever known. I love dancing. I can’t imagine a life without dancing.”

Tiffany was quiet, her eyes soft. Jessica continued with, “We’re actually going to perform Swan Lake soon, it’s one of our few annual productions.”

“Really?” Tiffany replied. “I love that one. What part do you have?”

Jessica paused momentarily before saying, “I'm the Swan Queen.”

Tiffany’s mouth dropped. “Oh my god! That’s so awesome. Wow, I can’t believe I had the luck to meet the star of the Seoul Ballet Company. The gorgeous, shining star.” Tiffany giggled. Jessica flushed.

“I can’t believe I had the luck to _get_ the part.” Jessica said. Her phone buzzed on the table, and Jessica expected to open it to see another response from Krystal.

“I’m sure you’re amazing. I’m definitely going to come see you perform.” Tiffany said, her voice still sounding a bit in awe.

The text wasn’t from Krystal.

_Hey, Jessica Jung~ Are you busy tomorrow night? – TY_

_How did she get my phone number?_ , Jessica thought.

Tiffany was saying something to her. “-about the part?”

Jessica shook her head. “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”

“How did you get the part?” Tiffany repeated. “I mean, ballerinas are super competitive, right?”

Jessica phone buzzed again, in her hand. “Um, yeah, we are. I don’t know, there was an audition last week.” Jessica realized her voice sounded relaxed and to Tiffany it probably seemed like Jessica was just simply lucky. Jessica didn't want to admit aloud how often and how much she had stressed over the role.

_Do you want to go out somewhere to eat? Or clubbing? Or anywhere, really?_

“That’s still so cool. Hey, here’s my phone number, you should call or text me with the performance dates so I can come see you.”

Jessica took Tiffany’s phone number, dropping her open phone into her lap. It buzzed as it hit her thighs.

“Yeah, I’ll definitely text you.” Jessica replied. Tiffany grinned, suddenly something else than simply friendly. Jessica felt her face heating up.

“You can text me for other reasons too, you know.” Tiffany said quietly. Her soft brown eyes suddenly seemed golden, and Jessica smiled in spite of herself, which made Tiffany grin even wider.

"Yeah...definitely..."

Jessica wondered what that emotion was, rummaging around in her chest.

 

It wasn't until she was back at her apartment before Jessica remembered that she hadn't finished reading the rest of Taeyeon's texts.

 _Tiffany actually had walked her back though._ She felt giddy and almost laughed at her reflection in the mirror. It was really ridiculous, that she had stayed so long at the café with Tiffany, a complete stranger, but a person with whom Jessica felt strangely comfortable around. And now she had her phone number and Tiffany knew where she lived...and it was all a bit odd, really. Jessica could imagine Krystal telling her to go for it and have a little bit of fun for once.

Jessica felt herself beginning to laugh again, and for a moment she really did feel relaxed. But, as she scrolled through the remainder of Taeyeon's texts, she felt herself go numb.

_I know I sound a bit desperate, but will you go out with me sometime?_

_Not like that obviously, but you know what I mean._

_Ah, I mean unless you want it to be like that..._

_Hello? Jessica?_

_Oh...well I'm assuming from your silence that I'm making you awkward...I'm sorry..._

_It's just I feel like...well, never mind. You can forget about it, sorry to bother you._


End file.
